im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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