your thong is hanging out like whoa
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
