dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
