His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
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We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Carson when you get home I want you to go downstairs and go into each bedroom and pick up the underwear and either throw it out or give it back to the people who own them. Look all over the room. Thank, Love Mom
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
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