Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
oh and i figured out why we kept smelling vomit. ive got vomit on my socks. putting the heater on my feet was not the best of ideas.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
