Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
You do realize it's a Tuesday, right?
You do realize I stopped giving a fuck about calendars when I was 10, right? And besides, it could be the best Tuesday of your life.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
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