I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
