I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
