apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.