C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas