It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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