woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
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Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
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If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes