The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever