My sheets look like a crime scene.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
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kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
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Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"