He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Be still, my beating vagina.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
