Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I just realized i came back home with my lei that one night. How do i forget my bra but remember my lei?
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
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