Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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