your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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