Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
