I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
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