At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I think your dad took our porno
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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