After last night, I could never be a politician.
I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
she told me i tasted like america
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
Randomize
