Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
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I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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