Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
Have you ever secretly resented a girl for wanting to have sex when all you really wanted to do was rub one out and go to sleep?
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
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