Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
