A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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