drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
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