i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
I think i got beer on your cat.
Randomize
