so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Randomize
