Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
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