Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
my dad just walked in on my jacking off and all he had to say was "I thought you were bigger than that".... thanks dad.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
If I look at him, he starts sobbing. Please come get him; he's scaring the cats.
Randomize
