Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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