Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
