right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
