She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
I'm at a bar. It's body paint Wednesday. All of the waitresses are topless. Help me
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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