Soap is not a condiment
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Randomize
