She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
Randomize
