Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
you ever feel like there is a sober person insided you pointing and laughing....?
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
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Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
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We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
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