Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
We ran out of toilet paper the last week, so we just took showers to pee
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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