9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
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