Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
