I Never golf you the sypdu of andrew. The one o will marry. The one j plwgded my last breath up. The one I pledged everything I live forbworh to. I love him more than life itself
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
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So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
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VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just found out my younger brother has me saved in his contacts as "Womb Primer" and I don't know what to do with this information
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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