I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
