You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
