Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize