just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Having weed delivered to your door is like having your own personal Santa Claus
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
