We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Randomize
