My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
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