i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Yeah I either headbutted a street sign while texting or I defended you two from an evil gang of nazi muggers. I was black out so I am gonna assume it was option b.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
