Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
