I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
