I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
