also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
