I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Randomize
