Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
She solidified the fact that the icon from Wendy's is the only ginger I care for
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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