Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Randomize
