But, the reference to being horny and then blending a banana is troubling
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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