Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
He ended our Skype call with, "I'm going to poop and then go play my ukulele in the park."
Your cock deserves a montage
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize
