Ambien. No doubt about it.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
You would think by the size of the lump on my ass that I would have remembered falling down a flight of stairs.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
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