I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
He disabled his match.com account in front of me
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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