We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
This time, try to not get fingered in the middle of the living room.
I DIDNT GET FINGERED
I was rubbed
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
Randomize