I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
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