some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
