I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
This is my first time seeing you since your lesbian experience. SO EXCITED!
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
SOMEONE WITH THE TWITTER HANDLE "METHLAB" FAVORITED THAT PICTURE
Randomize
