Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(314): View more from Missouri

So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.

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(314): So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs. http://tfl.nu/yiuw

Replies (16) Good night (1071) Bad night (3596)
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(916): View more from California

rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war

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(916): rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war http://tfl.nu/t68o

Replies (32) Good night (1107) Bad night (6753)
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(931): View more from Tennessee

my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.

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(931): my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling. http://tfl.nu/ym3n

Replies (66) Good night (28127) Bad night (1590)
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(954): View more from Florida

so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine

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(954): so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine http://tfl.nu/9kja

Replies (30) Good night (3152) Bad night (5151)
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(440): View more from Ohio

i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.

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(440): i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky. http://tfl.nu/4mz4

Replies (264) Good night (2841) Bad night (27754)
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(512): View more from Texas

the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys

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(512): the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys http://tfl.nu/w106

Replies (14) Good night (2712) Bad night (4674)
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(803): View more from South Carolina

For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.

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(803): For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early. http://tfl.nu/j6ta

Replies (3) Good night (1429) Bad night (1911)
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(779): View more from Illinois

Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.

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(779): Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright. http://tfl.nu/yk6p

Replies (8) Good night (1228) Bad night (851)
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(248): View more from Michigan

I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger

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(248): I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger http://tfl.nu/4bsz

Replies (8) Good night (671) Bad night (440)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states

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(860): I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states http://tfl.nu/e5c2

Replies (1) Good night (812) Bad night (472)
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(425): View more from Washington

Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.

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(425): Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch. http://tfl.nu/ml6b

Replies (0) Good night (575) Bad night (331)
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(616): View more from Michigan

do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.

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(616): do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling. http://tfl.nu/qcnf

Replies (4) Good night (1305) Bad night (370)
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(520): View more from Arizona

He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.

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(520): He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down. http://tfl.nu/0sgk

Replies (3) Good night (533) Bad night (368)
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(408): View more from California

I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary

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(408): I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary http://tfl.nu/kxfy

Replies (2) Good night (828) Bad night (328)
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(740): View more from Ohio

At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."

(414): View more from Wisconsin

That's literally the perfect eulogy

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(740): At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table." (414): That's literally the perfect eulogy http://tfl.nu/dxva

Replies (2) Good night (1014) Bad night (331)

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