i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
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Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
For some reason there are two like 10 year old black girls crumping at the bar. I feel like I'm in a missy elliot video.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
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She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
So much rum. So many feels.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.