I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
Guys Hate When Girls Do These 29 Cringeworthy Things
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
25 Men Confess The Moment They Knew They Wanted To Marry Their Wife
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
That's the 3rd time in 6 months I woke up on the hallway floor using a towel as a blanket, no clue how I got there. At least back when I was still drinking I could blame something other than myself for that kind of shit.
You should go to AA meetings and warn people about the dangers of sobriety.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
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