i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"