what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
We had sex in the bathroom. Then he told me I could watch him pee.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
