I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
