Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
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