you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
The beers last night were like the tears from god
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
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