she looked like the before picture.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
She asked me to facebook all the girls I'd hooked up with. She started crying when I started my search with A.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Last night was just a whirlwind of Mario Brothers and sex.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
