It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
