God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Dude she's from Moscow. I feel like I'm cheating on America.
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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