just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we still banned from the library?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
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