So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
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