I like my sex mixed with concussions.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
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