as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
