Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I swear if you help me with this I will eat you out and buy you all the Taco Bell you want.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
Randomize
